I’ve always been one to seek and find joy in my days, even when they seem quite mundane – but lately I’ve been really struggling with that. The day to day monotony and struggles of life have been getting to me and making me feel restless. Then I got COVID…
After 2.5 years of avoiding it – it finally got me. My symptoms started suddenly on Friday and those two lines on the test confirmed my fears. I really didn’t think I’d get very sick. I thought maybe I’d just have a couple of days with my feet up, reading and being served my meals like a queen. Instead I spent the first three days in and out of fever with one of the worst headaches I’ve ever had. I alternated between shivering under 3 blankets and burning up, drenched in sweat. Nothing dulled the headache and sleep eluded me. The words in my book were hard to process so I binge watched TV and googled ways to get over COVID quickly.
I’ve been isolated from my family in my bedroom for 4 days now and I have found myself longing for those normal, mundane days. Suddenly I can see how lucky I was to have those days to stumble through, healthy and oblivious. I miss the hugs from my family that I took for granted. I miss human touch.
Yesterday my fever broke for most of the day and I thought, “this is it, I’m getting better” – then it returned with a vengeance last night. I took a shower and made my bed and those 2 simple daily tasks completely exhausted me, I sat down and wept. I thought about how ridiculous it is for me to be crying like this. After all it had only been three days and it could be so much worse. It felt like the universe was teaching me a big fat lesson.
Today on day 4 I woke up fever free and feeling more energetic after sleeping all night. I decided to shower and go sit outside and get some fresh air. After a night of rain and thunderstorms the air smelled deliciously fresh and earthy. For the first time in forever I sat outside and saw only beauty and not what needed to be done. I looked past the weeds in my garden to the blooms of my morning glories and my sunflowers so close to blooming. I looked past the stain chipping away on my deck and saw a cozy place to sit and watch the hummingbirds, who gave me a beautiful show this morning.
My husband and youngest daughter came outside and we had a socially distanced conversation and I was so thankful to see their faces, even behind a mask. I longed to reach out and touch them. Fortunately they are both healthy and still testing negative. It’s funny how we take calm and normal and boring for granted, now I want nothing more. Okay universe – I got the message, loud and clear. Maybe I needed this slap in the face in the form of a fever. Instead of seeing my days as boring or mundane I will try to see them as extraordinary and peaceful because that’s what they are. After all, what could be more extraordinary than being healthy and loved? Right now, I can’t think of anything better than that.