I think just about anyone who listens to “Landslide” by Fleetwood Mac feels something when they hear it. It’s one of those songs that so many can relate to and it’s meaning can evolve over time. At least that’s the case for me.
When I hear it now it feels like a song for my children…
“Well, I’ve been afraid of changin’
‘Cause I’ve built my life around you
But time makes you bolder
Even children get older
And I’m getting older too”
It’s easy to know your value as a mother when your children are little and need so much from you physically. You know that what you’re doing is necessary and important. My girls are older now and although they still need me in different ways I must admit I have days where I feel as if I’m not doing enough. Some days I feel that I’m not doing anything great or important anymore. What is my purpose now that I have built my life around my children and they’re getting older and I am too??
For the last two years, since COVID entered all of our lives, I have been spending more time at home. I work from home a bit and I work outside of the home very part-time, so I am here a lot. Some days I find myself moving from one household chore or task to another and wondering if what I’m doing is important. I have multiple to do lists and projects that keep me busy and focused but sometimes I wonder what exactly I’m doing. A couple of weeks ago I had a pretty long to do list and ended up only marking two things off. I was feeling like I had accomplished nothing that day so I decided to sit down and write down a list of some of the things I actually did do that day….
- Walk dogs one at a time in the rain ✅
- Clean kitchen ✅
- Laundry ✅
- Help one child with geometry ✅
- Give one child pep talk and life advice ✅
- Teach one child to cut a fresh pineapple ✅
- Make a delicious and nutritious dinner for my family ✅
- Clean kitchen again ✅
On paper it didn’t look like a whole lot but it was in some very big ways. I’m still needed. I have purpose and value. I think I am in an “in between season”. I’m a grandma but I’m still parenting. My day to day hands on parenting years are slowly coming to an end. I think I need to hold on tight while I can because before I know it it’s going to fall from my grasp and the next full fledged season will be here. “Can I handle the seasons of my life?”, I don’t know.
Yesterday we had a birthday party for my granddaughter. It was one of those rare family events that goes off without a hitch, everyone could come, kids were happy, weather was decent. It was one of those days that showed me my purpose. Seeing the love we all have for each other and the closeness we share gave me a glimpse of my life’s work. It was a long day of play and celebration and after everyone was gone I went outside to take out some trash and I stopped and looked up to that mirror in the sky and said out loud, “I’m so thankful for it all” and I really am.
Some Midlife Musings 